Dear NYC // 3

So much of the west coast represents who I am and so much of the east coast is entirely new to me. I was never a huge fan of Los Angeles, and even though it's not my favorite city, I can't avoid how much this city and state in general represents who I am. My heart lies with the LA Kings, a sports team I've been watching since I was 11 years old. Mexican food/culture is almost a part of who I am because of my surroundings and great friendships that welcome me so closely to their homes. And I'm sure so many other things that I do all sum up what a Californian is to be, but not all of me is.

I crave culture other than the gold mining and the historic foundations of Hollywood. Friends tell me the east coast feels more like Europe and therefore I want to see and feel something similar, yet very different. I'd like to see buildings that aren't just manufactures or cut-copy suburban homes. At least that's how it is here in my hometown.

No matter where I go NYC, I can't forget where I'm from and where I've been. I keep a part of me everywhere I've lived and traveled through. This is one of the reasons I love traveling so much. I'm always going to feel gratitude wherever I go. And as I venture off to you next NYC, I'm happy to learn what you're about to teach me, and carry you with me wherever I go next. But right now, it's good to know that you will be my present soon enough.

Dear NYC // 1

I am terrified of you, New York City. With you, I face higher responsibilities and unimaginable opportunities. The next two years I will have a relationship with you and I'm curious to know how much you will challenge me. I am going after you because I want to experience and grow. If only I took this mentality in other areas in my life, such as romance. But maybe, New York, you can teach me that.

I am terrified and thrilled by your concrete jungle, your stubbornness, your vastness, and your just. I didn't know going after your dreams would require such a large braveness factor. It's not easy. That's what everyone says. But I say, it's not impossible.

Your city is meant to tower layers of tough skin to your people. My skin has been sun-kissed by California's unlimited source of sunshine, implementing laziness and prolongation. Yet I can't forget that I have been exposed to other regions of the world. They are listed in my past and mesh together with my present and future. Therefore, I tell myself I should be prepared for this next big step, but I can shake off this anxious feeling.

But New York, I choose you right now because I believe you will help me grow the most. And that terrifies me. But I am ready with this upcoming relationship with you.

A lack of color

I am changing. It's a change that I don't know how to control. I find it harder to keep myself writing down how I feel because I don't want to own up to it. I am scared of what I want, and I do what's needed to get there without thinking. I am at war between my home and new home, but hype up my state of birth out of fear and late admiration of the golden state.

Besides seeking experience that benefits me intellectually and career-wise, there are other areas in my life that I am lacking experience, such as romance. It has fogged my concentration on my future and I have procrastinated on important paperwork harder than I ever did in college. But maybe these feelings I have are something that's on the right track - to give attention to an area that I'm lacking color in.

I have fulfilled my heart with gratitude and minimized bitterness. To fulfill something with a full heart like how mine currently is makes it hard to accomplish what needs to be done, but is all part of growing up. I think, for the first time I feel so content with the people in my life, and have finally seen through clearer lenses how important they are to me.

And these people in my life all motivate me to do what's right and what's best. They see potential in me more than I see in myself. It's now or never, and time will pass. Before I know it, these feelings will mesh all together with a new and big adventure. How I'll feel about it will only be known once it happens.