The Essentials

I have been thinking a lot about what means the most to me and with that, have taken up the idea of living minimally, but not in the way you would typically think.

This idea came to me when I was talking to my friend An. She discussed with me how she doesn't like to have things that aren't necessary. And I could see it every time I saw her. We would shop and she would refrain herself from getting tempting, yet unnecessary things. She would respond to my dilemmas short and meaningfully, to the point where I never felt offended and if I did, it was truthful and enough for me to understand what I need to fix. Even the way she dressed reflected her minimal lifestyle.

Ever since then, I would reflect on what she said whenever I came home to my messy room or felt stressed over the amount of school work I needed to complete. It wasn't a great feeling to come home to. Whenever I got home, I would collapse on my bed and ignore my responsibilities. The way I lead my life wasn't healthy, and it didn't help that I kept beating myself up that I pass by hundreds of job opportunities every day, always procrastinated my tasks, and hearing all my friends getting these amazing internship and job opportunities.

Not only did I make my life dull and unmotivated, life threw a bunch of depressing and complicated situations where I was at the point that I wanted to stay idle and not do a damn thing anymore. But in the end, I couldn't do that to myself. I'm still alive, aren't I? But I was dying for something to change.

One day me and An had lunch and afterwards, we walked into a bookstore in Soho/Nolita.That day was the day where I discovered the essentials issue of Kinfolk and immediately fell in love with it. It is simply a beautiful issue that discusses the essentials in our lives and what brings us back to our cores. Something so very important we tend to forget when we get lost. I showed An the issue and that day, we both bought a copy. Until this day, it's a constant reminder of the life I want to achieve.

And then it hit me. This is the necessary step in life I need to embark on next. Essentials means letting go of what you don't need and focusing on what you actually need. Right when I read through the issue, I knew I had to let go of things I don't need. This includes material things, unnecessary thoughts and all that has any unnecessary baggage. Negative thoughts being the strongest out of this pile. Your mind is a power tool and we need to learn how to take care of it and use it the right way.

It won't be an easy, but the reason why I want to do this is because it feels good. As long as I remind myself of how I'll feel afterwards, it will be worth it. It's kind of like working out, isn't it? I've even had thoughts where I don't want to have floral or polka dots in my wardrobe/room interiors. Seems kinda ridiculous right? Maybe eliminating those may be the best right now.

Changing to this feels good. Getting out from a lacking motivation feels good. So here's to finding the essentials to my life and getting where I'd always hope to be - being the best version of myself and accomplishing my dreams in the Big Apple!

Dear NYC // 6

I have officially started my second semester of grad school. The first week back was short, considering I did not have to attend to two of my classes due to the blizzard. I can't say much what I think thus far about how classes are going, but how things are going in general feels quite overwhelming. This is the city where you make your dreams come true, and although I am at the right place and getting the best education for it, I often feel discouraged when it comes to finding internships and work experience.

And yes, everyone goes through this anxious feeling. Applying to over 20 different companies, hoping you'll get recognized. This is how I'm currently feeling. It's about time I get more experience written down on my resume so when I graduate, I won't feel as concerned about finding a job. It's hard not to feel discouraged when you hear your classmates getting into all these amazing jobs and internships. The only real competition here is the one with myself. I want to be better than how I was last semester. Sometimes I don't even know what I'm getting myself in to. I'm still in this phase where I'm still figuring out what I want to do in this field. Maybe it's because I want to explore my options or I'm actually afraid to get into the industry I've always wanted to. Why am I so afraid? I guess learning it in depth was different from what I thought it would be. But still, when I think of another option, I know this is where I truly want to be. This is what my heart desires.

For this new semester and this new year, I want to really take advantage with everything that New York offers. I think I sheltered myself during my first semester. I don't realize that I still live through my family's eyes when I should live through my own. And although my family wants the best for me and for me to be safe, that security blanket I hide behind needs to be pulled off. I need to reveal who I am, what I have to offer, and absorb everything that has yet to come.

My biggest fear is to not see greatness right in front of me. I have let too many opportunities pass me by in regards to so many aspects of my life. Although I've achieved a lot these past couple of years, I only want to prove to myself that I'm capable of more when it comes to finding a goal and enriching my life the way I've always wanted. I finally feel like I'm living in a place where I'm challenged to my maximum. Although everyone here is competing and searching, it doesn't mean it's impossible to find what you truly desire.

When you go back home

When you arrive back home, your life in the big city doesn't seem real. Everything here is exactly where you remember it to be. You're grateful to be back, but as the days kick in, you realize why you wanted to move out in the first place. Everything feels heavier, and you start appreciating your independence you have in your new city. 

But then you start to remember when you get angry and get into arguments with your family and friends, you always pick it all back up and just forgive. And learn to just...appreciate that you have those kinds of relationships in your life. Because that's love - being able to speak your mind to someone even if it does cause conflict and having those people forgive and still love you no matter what. 

I'm grateful to see that and it really makes me happy to be home for Christmas. My life in New York doesn't feel real when I'm back here. The fact that I'm here at home for a month feels like I'm integrating back to my old lifestyle here again. 

There is so much that I want to document that I have not yet and it's mostly because of my annoying way of believing if my experiences are "valid" to post about because most of the time I feel like I am dramatizing everything. It's hard to leave knowing what you left behind. And my guilt levels are heightened more than anyone else's, even when I'm aware that nothing is wrong. 

It scares me to know that I'm living my life in New York all solely for me. It may sound odd, but I don't think me is enough, which is probably why I crave to find people out in the city that make me feel like home. But besides this craving and this feeling of loneliness, there isn't a day where I am in awe of the city and how fortunate I am to attend NYU. To say the least, this is where I want to be right now. 

Merry Christmas everyone <3 

Dear NYC // 5

I want to tell you how independent I have been feeling. Sometimes it gets lonely, especially when I experience new things. But no matter how many friends you make in NYC, you're still on your own more than anywhere else. I used to dislike how lonely I felt, but then I realized that spending this much time on my own is not a bad thing. 

I'm not trying to say that I'm concentrating on a relationship on myself. I'm learning a whole lot more about me, and am aware of my capabilities. I'm learning how this city encourages you to be you, and how you should take advantage of its opportunities. I'm learning that perfection isn't a goal, but excellence is, and I'm also learning that its healthy to invest in experiences you're not familiar with. 

In the beginning, I didn't see New York through a tourist's eye. Moving in is different than visiting, but there sure is no excuse to not see NYC's beauty. A classmate told me that she likes to go to Times Square whenever she feels stressed about work and school because when she does, it reminds her where she's actually living. Tourists aren't bad sometimes, but bitterness usually is.

I can't put a concrete feeling whenever I'm somewhere new. But what I can say is that I think being in NYC exactly where I need to be right now. And I do believe as the days go by, that reassurance is going to grow stronger. 

Dear NYC // 4

Things have never felt so real as they do now. My roommate and I have finally found a place to live in NYC and my flight has been officially booked! I thought finding an apartment would stress me out for the entire month of August, but that stress condensed into two extremely emotional days. Everything is still sinking in. And the countdown begins!

Dear NYC // 3

So much of the west coast represents who I am and so much of the east coast is entirely new to me. I was never a huge fan of Los Angeles, and even though it's not my favorite city, I can't avoid how much this city and state in general represents who I am. My heart lies with the LA Kings, a sports team I've been watching since I was 11 years old. Mexican food/culture is almost a part of who I am because of my surroundings and great friendships that welcome me so closely to their homes. And I'm sure so many other things that I do all sum up what a Californian is to be, but not all of me is.

I crave culture other than the gold mining and the historic foundations of Hollywood. Friends tell me the east coast feels more like Europe and therefore I want to see and feel something similar, yet very different. I'd like to see buildings that aren't just manufactures or cut-copy suburban homes. At least that's how it is here in my hometown.

No matter where I go NYC, I can't forget where I'm from and where I've been. I keep a part of me everywhere I've lived and traveled through. This is one of the reasons I love traveling so much. I'm always going to feel gratitude wherever I go. And as I venture off to you next NYC, I'm happy to learn what you're about to teach me, and carry you with me wherever I go next. But right now, it's good to know that you will be my present soon enough.

Dear NYC // 2

It's a little over a month left until I make my big move. I still have to take care of a few more things before I leave. It scares me that I haven't found a place to live just yet, and although I have a roommate to work through together with, it's very difficult to find a place without physically being there. Being positive is the only thing that helps me carry on about it.

Although I'm stressed about finding a place to live, I hope I don't forget about the things I've always wanted to do while living independently. I've always dreamed of living in a big city, where I would have the freedom to roam around and organize my tiny apartment the way I wish for it to be. I hope I won't forget small things like filling a cabinet full of various types of tea and finally owning a record player where I could listen to vinyls on days where I need to relax, and so many more things. I also want real weather changes, even though my inner Californian will die over your harsh winters, NYC.

As silly as this sounds NYC, I fear I will forget about all these things is because I will be caught up on so many responsibilities. Living here at home made me forget about things I've always wanted to do because I'm obliged to be responsible for others, yet I have grown to want to because it's out of love. And although I've tried to make time for myself, it gets hard to do. That's why I think it's so stressful to do things for myself right now, especially with this big move. But a small voice inside my head tells me that it will be different, because moving is for me and I'll be focusing on myself.

This will be my first time flying inside of America. I feel like I am finally embracing the country I was born in when all this time before I kept running away from it. I guess you can say you appreciate where you're from once you've been away for so long, but that doesn't mean I'll get nostalgic for the places I've known so well like the UK or South Korea.