Terrified

Regardless of being a cultural-seeking junkie outside of America, I have as of recently been faced with an extremely huge decision I have to make in regards of my future. This involves me moving, yes. I have always been up for experiences that will take me further to see, experience and grow. But for some reason, I am just so terrified for what's about to come next in my life.

Have I made a decision? Not officially. In my heart, I know where I want to go. But I can't help but think of how extreme this move is. I don't know whether if I'm just not ready, or haven't acknowledged that when it comes to these opportunities, fear never goes away. Sometimes life gives you an opportunity even when you're not ready. If not now, then when? When will an opportunity like this ever come again?

Don't get me wrong, I've had my ups and downs ever since I heard about the news. One moment I tell myself I can, and other times I tell myself I can't. This battle is abusive to my spiritual health. Is it the debt that scares me the most? Am I afraid that I can't make it out there on my own? Fear and money are the worst. I think it frightens me that fear will strike at multiple moments, and debt will remain a long ways down the road.

But that's life, right? This post itself is sounding like a battle. I guess, what I really need is the support. I need someone to tell me that it's going to be okay, and everything will work out rather than telling me how this experience won't be worth it. What can I benefit from this next move? So much. It will definitely make me grow, and the possibilities are endless. So if the possibilities are endless, what makes me think that I won't be successful in the end? The human condition to want to know what happens in the future is so tiresome.