A lack of color

I am changing. It's a change that I don't know how to control. I find it harder to keep myself writing down how I feel because I don't want to own up to it. I am scared of what I want, and I do what's needed to get there without thinking. I am at war between my home and new home, but hype up my state of birth out of fear and late admiration of the golden state.

Besides seeking experience that benefits me intellectually and career-wise, there are other areas in my life that I am lacking experience, such as romance. It has fogged my concentration on my future and I have procrastinated on important paperwork harder than I ever did in college. But maybe these feelings I have are something that's on the right track - to give attention to an area that I'm lacking color in.

I have fulfilled my heart with gratitude and minimized bitterness. To fulfill something with a full heart like how mine currently is makes it hard to accomplish what needs to be done, but is all part of growing up. I think, for the first time I feel so content with the people in my life, and have finally seen through clearer lenses how important they are to me.

And these people in my life all motivate me to do what's right and what's best. They see potential in me more than I see in myself. It's now or never, and time will pass. Before I know it, these feelings will mesh all together with a new and big adventure. How I'll feel about it will only be known once it happens.