Reverse culture shock

Although I've been documenting the great bits about studying abroad, I want to express to you guys a more vulnerable side of myself from this experience. Integrating into British lifestyle was a bit rough at first, but it became easy to adapt to after reminding myself how badly I've always wanted to go and once I met really amazing friends that felt like family. Living life in the UK was enjoyable and I even loved it more knowing that I was living independently. But since I've been back in America for almost a month now, my perspective of the culture here has changed a lot. I miss it back very much in the UK and find myself eager to go back.

Within the last two months I was in Swansea, I knew reverse culture shock would come intact once I got home. With that, I spent a great deal crying because I enjoyed being there so much and realized how soon the year was ending. I talked to my friends I made in Swansea about it and thought of ways of how to make moving back home a less painful experience. My friends motivated me to find a job and/or an internship and I made a long list of things I wanted to do over the summer just so I won't go insane or get depressed. As of now, summer job/internship is still on the lookout, and I've been slowly doings on the list. Sometimes I tell myself that I should take it easy since I've been back for only about three weeks, but I already feel the need to get somewhere by now. I tell myself this, and I make myself busy to not get so sad but even so, coming back is hard to adjust even though I grew up in California for the past 20 years of my life.

Here is the thing about studying abroad that most people do not understand. Studying abroad is not an extended trip. It is about experiencing University lifestyle in a different country where there are different norms used and different people. You are immersing yourself into another culture and meeting new people. And, what most people don't understand is, you are MOVING there. I paid rent, bought my own food there. This became difficult for me to come across with friends and family from home. I can't make myself go back to 'normal' because I've changed. I don't want to revert back to how I acted before because it's not me anymore. It's hard to really explain all that went through within the past 9 months of my life to people here. It's hard to express how I really feel without sounding offensive. Being here, I face situations where I no longer want to involve myself in. I left for reasons not only to explore a new culture but to realize who I am and to find the direction that helps me to get where I really want to be.

It's easy for me to fall back to my old habits before I left for Swansea because my surroundings now trigger them again. I become bitter at times because I miss British things and my friendships I made. There are too many things that remind me of it in the UK (especially with the Olympic footage in London approaching). I become tired of my surroundings I have currently because I've seen these roads so many times before and not much interests me here anymore.

Not everyone who studies abroad feels this way, and I'm sure some even find comfort for the fact of being back home. I do find some comfort being back, but I do see myself in the future going back, moving elsewhere and not limiting myself from my goals. I am grateful for what I have here, but once I've stepped foot on so many places I can't see myself staying in once place for so long. And this idea is the one thing that makes me feel positive. It's the main motivator on the wall that I see everyday to remind myself that I can make my goals and ambitions come true.