Dear NYC // 6

I have officially started my second semester of grad school. The first week back was short, considering I did not have to attend to two of my classes due to the blizzard. I can't say much what I think thus far about how classes are going, but how things are going in general feels quite overwhelming. This is the city where you make your dreams come true, and although I am at the right place and getting the best education for it, I often feel discouraged when it comes to finding internships and work experience.

And yes, everyone goes through this anxious feeling. Applying to over 20 different companies, hoping you'll get recognized. This is how I'm currently feeling. It's about time I get more experience written down on my resume so when I graduate, I won't feel as concerned about finding a job. It's hard not to feel discouraged when you hear your classmates getting into all these amazing jobs and internships. The only real competition here is the one with myself. I want to be better than how I was last semester. Sometimes I don't even know what I'm getting myself in to. I'm still in this phase where I'm still figuring out what I want to do in this field. Maybe it's because I want to explore my options or I'm actually afraid to get into the industry I've always wanted to. Why am I so afraid? I guess learning it in depth was different from what I thought it would be. But still, when I think of another option, I know this is where I truly want to be. This is what my heart desires.

For this new semester and this new year, I want to really take advantage with everything that New York offers. I think I sheltered myself during my first semester. I don't realize that I still live through my family's eyes when I should live through my own. And although my family wants the best for me and for me to be safe, that security blanket I hide behind needs to be pulled off. I need to reveal who I am, what I have to offer, and absorb everything that has yet to come.

My biggest fear is to not see greatness right in front of me. I have let too many opportunities pass me by in regards to so many aspects of my life. Although I've achieved a lot these past couple of years, I only want to prove to myself that I'm capable of more when it comes to finding a goal and enriching my life the way I've always wanted. I finally feel like I'm living in a place where I'm challenged to my maximum. Although everyone here is competing and searching, it doesn't mean it's impossible to find what you truly desire.